WE HAVE A STORY ABOUT A MAN WHO DECIDED
TO BE SOMEONE OTHER THEN HIMSELF

STORY:
Beneath an arabesque of cigar smoke, a shadow lay across the floor. It was the trademark silhouette I’d cultivated in my television programs.
— ‘Did I frighten you?’ a voice asked. I recognized the voice immediately.

HITCHCOCK (voice):
Good evening. I'm Alfred Hitchcock...

STORY:
Slowly, the figure turned to face me.
— ‘I’ve been expecting you.’ he said.

STORY:
It was as I had feared. The man, into whose presence I had been lured by a fictitious phone call, resembled me in every way but one. He was, as the security guard had implied, older.

HITCHCOCK:
By an odd coincidence we have a story about a man who decided to be someone other than himself.

RON, HITCHCOCK DOUBLE (voice):
People would say: ‘Oh! It’s Ron!’ It’s Ron Burrage. You know, the one that looks like Hitchcock!’ Sometimes it’s difficult to believe anyway. It’s like looking in the mirror. You can never see yourself as others see you. Yeah, you get people do double takes: ‘Oh, look, look, it’s Alfred. Oh, it’s Alfred!’

[DIRECTOR’S CAMEO (voice)]:
Okay, whenever you’re ready. We’re rolling!

RON, HITCH DOUBLE (voice):
Or, you’d hear them behind you going: [sings the Alfred Hitchcock Presents tune].

[CAMERAMAN’S CAMEO (voice)]:
Ron, could we start that again? Sorry, I wasn’t ready there.
Let’s get the one with the coffee cup. Oh, yes.

HITCHCOCK:
I am attempting to assist my brother Alfred in introducing this evening’s shilling shocker. It is the story of a man who finds himself involved in a mad charade, which he neither understands, nor can escape.

RON, HITCH DOUBLE (voice):
... they’re falling down.

HITCHCOCK (voice):
Uhm... The word MacGuffin comes from a conversation between two men in a railway train. One says to the other: ‘What is that package you have above your head, on the luggage rack? He says: ‘Oh, that’s a MacGuffin!’ So the other man says: ‘What is a MacGuffin?’

TITLE:
HITHCOCK-TRUFFAUT
INTERVIEWS, 1962

HITCHCOCK (voice):
He said: ‘Well, it’s an apparatus for trapping lions in the Adirondack Mountains of New York.’

MARK PERRY:
But the other man says: ‘But there are no lions in the Adirondacks of New York!’ The man says: ‘Well then, that’s no MacGuffin!’

HITCHCOCK:
[Hitchcock #1:]
Good evening.

[Hitchcock #2:]
Oh, good evening.

[Hitchcock #3:]
Good evening.

[Hitchcock #4:]
Oh, oh, good evening.

[Hitchcock #5:]
Oh, good evening.

[Hitchcock #6:]
Good evening.

[Hitchcock #7:]
Oh, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

[Hitchcock #8:]
Oh, sorry!